I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
i drank out of a bidet.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
