people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
