Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
