no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
