so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
