Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
