my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
