I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
