She's JV to your varsity
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
