i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize