my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
