you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize