sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
