I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
