You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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