I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
