Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
