We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
