Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
These 23 People Share the Worst Advice They’ve Been Given
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.