so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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