Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
