You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize