its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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