I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
