i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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