True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
