Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
