talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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