Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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