but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
