all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
