So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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