running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize