Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
