I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
