i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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