Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
