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I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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