I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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