so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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