I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I want to fling myself into the sun
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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