remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
