I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
These tits shall not be calmed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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