i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
