now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He felt like a one man threesome
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Randomize
