how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
