Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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