today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
