We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
