I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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