I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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