someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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