you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I see more hoeing in ur future
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