Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
