I hate all girls vehemently.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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