I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
