And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
