So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
