I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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