I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
