she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
