I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize