Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize