I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
