took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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