Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
