I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
