I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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