dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
