billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
