i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
