I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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