I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
